[kawomenan: ning] this is old news
but it seems that i still haven’t kicked my old notions of being saved by a knight on a white horse (this is such an old stereotype. i’m not even a damsel in distress.)
twice this week, modes of transportation that i’ve depended on have broken down on me. and of course i’ve always wished that i could call someone, who would say “shit, really? where are you? i’ll get you.” forgetting that in the end if i just sat a bit and waited or really just started walking, i’d get where i had to go.
[i can hear so many of my friends’ voices going, duh.] but really i’m slow. i still believe that stupid fairy tale.
and so this is what responsibility feels like. it’s not really a weight or a chain or anything really. it’s just the belated notion that yes, you actually do have control over your life. no matter how little it may seem, or how undeserved.
i’ve been a lazy git for some time. ending up in bad situations that would eventually push me to finally get my ass moving, or luckily enough, have friends pull me out.
i think this is also applies to creation. you have to do the work, no matter what. no white knight of divine inspiration can be depended on.
but this claim of sorts doesn’t seem to hide the fact that loneliness, that loneliness is.