here first. until we are there.

two days before my comprehensive exams

i don’t think i’ve taken anything academic this seriously before. yung you’re just bingeing on information lang talaga (sinong fat girl?! who eats her emotions?)

looking at all these theorists explaining that meaning is problematic, everything is relative makes me realize how much studying lit theory has changed me. doon pala nanggaling ang aking skeptic speech. i used to give my students a”really, Catholicism?” couple of days where i show how much of it is ideology, and that it must be struggle — “grappling through the dark is scary but it means the rules that they’ve force fed you can be spat out, ” which naman ends up with, “All He wants is for you to come back.” (and of course, that last statement always has me near tears.)

mwahahahaha. ang lakas talaga ng hawak sa akin. pati ako clutching like anything.

but apart from that, i realize that i haven’t been able to say what i want to say, that i have so many things going through my head and it just never comes out properly.

and parang ang daming ibig sabihin ng, “you mean so much to me.”

i used to think i was such a whore, such an exhibitionist. grabe, ang dami ko palang suot.

(fine, balik aral na.)


One response

  1. Anonymous

    i know what you mean! parang the effort of speech between two people: you and yourself. you know so much, but what do you really know? kind of situation. let’s talk about and drink on it after your comps. you’ll do great, for sure. good luck, good luck! =)— daryll

    September 3, 2008 at 4:19 pm

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