or i’m up and calm at 3:45 AM.
i’m surprised at the fact that even though i stopped working to watch piolo-judai in the afternoon, and sam-toni in the evening, i’m faced with a sensible view on this whole love thing. hahahahaha!.
or really it’s 3;46 am and i’ve broken through kasabawan towards delusions. and serentiy is at the other side of my delirum.
daryll talked about love that night we got drunk on red wine at her house. we also talked about epidemics, environmental science, being down-to-earth. and of course i zeroed in on icky love stuff.
but she mentioned that you know it’s love and know should be in big bold letters. that you know love someone they way you know your mother, your father, your siblings, your friends. AND that whatever it is, it’s your own —- it has nothing to do with the other person. like it’s really your own responsibility.
now 3;51 and realize that my lullabyes are love songs. always have been love songs.
but tonight, i can’t sleep. my mind is buzzing about work — the last couple of weeks of this last year. every time i try to lull myself to sleep by remembering that in dreams, everything can happen — i can’t fall in.
3:53, and i’ve got a dulll headache going for me. but my mind is awake. humming.
the intensity i sought, the rush, the excitement, the way i swoon supposedly probably was never love. and somehow this silence is. even if i don’t know for whom it is.