here first. until we are there.

because i am waiting for mimay

i caught a concert last sunday, and apart from the ick flashbacks to when i used to haunt sibol for the exboyfriend —- i felt like a freak.
i mean, i’m obviously catholic and proudly so actually. but there was something about the faith presented in this purely a capella concert that made me seem —- incorrect.

i guess with a capella, you expect some form of silence because it’s supposed to be just one human voice. like that solo choir member who makes you remember what angels must sound like. but i guess that’s too quiet and not necessarily something to behold, so they add these strange color combinations (reminiscent of a gap commercial without the happy dancing) and the parumparum that you get from the a capella voice groups that you want to kill.

i was there to cry. to worship. to remind myself why it is that i go back to church every sunday. but i was thwacked (take note of the sound) with this unfamiliar and almost threatening certainty of faith. perhaps thwack is too soft — clanged perhaps? because to them faith felt like something solid.

and conversely, to me it is not as sure.

i’ve always liked this group because they were simpler, they seemed more human but with much better voices than us mere mortals. there is this one singer whose voice always always always always makes me gasp, not because of its theatrics but because of the sheer honesty. her voice is like solid light. just radiant. and she sang the one song that actually got to me that night.

hmmm, i understand why there is a profusion of mass songs, bible stories and the like that comes from the persona of the sinner. because really, once you recognize the perfection of that kind of love, you are just down on your knees and unworthy. and on that night, for that concert, perhaps i was around people who had already stood up.

( i think i hear mai ready.)


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