here first. until we are there.

heightened — kabaduyan

watching two movies based on teleseryes (mula sa puso and esperanza), i’ve realized why i’m wary of soaps in general and why i’ve been flipping channels.

it’s the allure of the drama queen. i obviously mean the allure of being one.
that strange stupid sense that look oh life really is happening.

i’ve realized that when it really is happening, “na parang sine” —- it’s so quiet. you don’t even think of it in that way. and when you are just talking about it, playing that song again —- that’s when you have to open yourself a little more to remember just how that time felt. embellishment, eyes flashing and a self-conscious smirk.

with all these soap operas (i’ve purposely avoided the desire:table for three because ang gwapo lang talaga ng chef ano?) you realize just how absurd all that is. rico yan as the poor boy crying in the jail cell — oo nga. or piolo pascual as the crazy lover willing to kill everyone just so that judy ann santos would love him back — of course, hands are raised beyond the tv screen volunteering to comfort the obviously manic piolo. and how real it is.

our emotions really do have the power to just throw us around. they creep around a fire waiting to be called forth, and if set free, there is just drama — spectacle.

the music swells, someone is slapped, a dramatic i love you.

of course, i will celebrate the small things. laughter with a friend, a search for shoes, shouting at a television screen, an overcrowded dinner table.

but siyempre, i have my eyes peeled for the next time a piolo figure will express his love for a crying juday. or just for piolo. hahahaha.

so oo nga, ika nga sa lagarista at sa cinema one, ang buhay nga parang sine.

but still…


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