here first. until we are there.

some small things

the five days that i’ve been home i’ve been asking if there are things that i should be doing, people i should be seeing — i’ve been running around trying to calm myself down because i’m going on another long trip. even if people have scoffed at my three weeks, i shrug — i’ve never been on my own as long as this.

my dinner last night gave me time to gather all my pieces to myself. being as loud, laughing as much, eating as heartily and after everyone had left — i was on my bed asleep beside an old friend who i wouldn’t be seeing for a month or so.

it’s like as i’ve been running around to finally stay still so i could leave and not be so afraid.

when you ask for something, sometimes you don’t realize just how much desire just consumes you.

——

i asked friends last night what they’d want to be if they would appear in my dreams. i told them to be as visually specific as possible so it would be easier to imagine and it was nice listening to their answers. i got tutus, red shoes, wolves with silver pelts , a wizard, a mermaid

and i’m the little girl with the feather boa, the wings and the tiara.

what would you be if you were to appear in dreams?

——

there are white anthuriums everywhere. like little fairies swinging on the top of a green reed.

——

happy mother’s day.

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